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Recital from memory!!!
Saunders had been dead for almost three weeks now, and so far, he hadn't enjoyed a minute of it.
What he wasn't enjoying at this particular moment was wading through the morass of forms and legal papers he'd been sent to complete from the department of death, and deceased rights.
(Large lapse in memory.. something about insurance claims, house deeds,
something about "Saunders was a hologram, he couldn't actually touch anything, other than his own hologramatic body"
"hologramatic tears of rage and frustration rolled hologramatically down his cheeks")
...Which all had to be completed so his wife, Carol - no, his widow, Carol, could start a new life without him.
Which of course, was exactly what she'd do. She'd go out and meet Mr. Terrific, probably starting a physical relationship. Probably in his bed! Their marital bed, his bed! Probably using the three condoms he knew for a fact he'd left in the bedside cabinet. The ones he'd brought for a joke. The flavoured ones.
"Noooo!" (Screamed? Yelled?) Saunders involuntarily.
"Noooooo!" In rage and frustration, he slammed his fist on the (metal?) (surface of the?) desk. His fist passed soundlessly through the desk and smashed with astonishing force into his testicles.
As Saunders lay in a foetal position, squealing on the floor, he wished he were dead.
Then he remembered.
He already was.
Anyone who recognises this introduction to the Red Dwarf radio show - Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers - read by some Robert guy, and owns it, or has some way of making a copy for me to have, I would totally... like, pay money for it.
Someday, I will reply to all my comments.
And to continue my trend of quoting this volume of Red Dwarf (as it were)
"And on that day, Satan will go to work in a snow plough."
In all seriousness though, I will, one day.
What he wasn't enjoying at this particular moment was wading through the morass of forms and legal papers he'd been sent to complete from the department of death, and deceased rights.
(Large lapse in memory.. something about insurance claims, house deeds,
something about "Saunders was a hologram, he couldn't actually touch anything, other than his own hologramatic body"
"hologramatic tears of rage and frustration rolled hologramatically down his cheeks")
...Which all had to be completed so his wife, Carol - no, his widow, Carol, could start a new life without him.
Which of course, was exactly what she'd do. She'd go out and meet Mr. Terrific, probably starting a physical relationship. Probably in his bed! Their marital bed, his bed! Probably using the three condoms he knew for a fact he'd left in the bedside cabinet. The ones he'd brought for a joke. The flavoured ones.
"Noooo!" (Screamed? Yelled?) Saunders involuntarily.
"Noooooo!" In rage and frustration, he slammed his fist on the (metal?) (surface of the?) desk. His fist passed soundlessly through the desk and smashed with astonishing force into his testicles.
As Saunders lay in a foetal position, squealing on the floor, he wished he were dead.
Then he remembered.
He already was.
Anyone who recognises this introduction to the Red Dwarf radio show - Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers - read by some Robert guy, and owns it, or has some way of making a copy for me to have, I would totally... like, pay money for it.
Someday, I will reply to all my comments.
And to continue my trend of quoting this volume of Red Dwarf (as it were)
"And on that day, Satan will go to work in a snow plough."
In all seriousness though, I will, one day.
no subject
"Something wrong?! Tehy're dead!"
"Whose dead?"
"They're dead! They're all dead!"
"My God, I was only away two minutes!"
"They've been dead for centuries!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"A..are you a doctor?"
"You only have to look at them! They've got less meat on them than a chicken nugget!"
"Well what am I going to do?"
"The first thing we should do is...you know, bury them."
"You're that sure they're dead?"
"There's a very simple test. All right, hands up any of you who are alive."
Tada!
Didn't I make you a copy years ago? On cassette tape? I think I've lost tape one (which has the bit you quoted on it, but I still have tape two, which I can copy for you if the need is dire), it shouldn't be too hard to chase down, just check some ABC shops.
no subject