*falls off chair laughing*
Oct. 7th, 2003 10:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ithikaYou know what? I think I need more time set aside for Livejournaling. All I've been saying has been crap recently, as far as I remember. But, then again, I can't remember very much at the moment.
This joke is funny-like:
So there's this Pirate with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the pirate who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then he gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran pirate blush. At that point, he is so mad that he throws it into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets _very_ quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's out-stretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on. By the way, what did the chicken do?"
These are all things from this "Ask Jack Sparrow" thing... it's very funny...
I 'aven' seen this Johnny Depp character, but I 'ave been hearin' an awful lot about the fellow lately. I'll hafta make a point o' trackin' 'im down an' tell 'im ter stop resemblin' me. And let me jus' say 'ow sorry I am tha' it's sobering ter you... very, truly, deeply sorry. I sugges' drinkin' some o' that rum yeh've got, it should make yeh feel better.
Aye, life wifout Captain Jack Sparrow aroun' be very 'ard. Therefore, I've provided yeh wif some steps ter follow so tha' yeh stay alive until I 'ave time ter visit yeh, love. 'ere be the rules.
1. Be sure ter breathe. [collapses on the floor laughing] Yeh can' really survive wifou' gettin' enough oxygin. Or normal gin. Though I fin' rum ter be much better tastin'. Ah, I be gettin' los'. Onto the nex' rule.
2. Eat an' drink. Yeh need food ter live, so trea' yerself to a good meal. There be no better feelin' than 'avin' a full stomach. Though if yeh be really smar', get someone else ter trea' yeh to a good meal. Then yeh stomach an' yer wallet will be full.
3. Get enough sleep. 'onestly, I 'ave foun' tha' sleepin' is one o' the bes' things. Though, take me advice, an' be sure no' ter fall asleep in the middle o' a date wif a lass (or in yer case a lad). They don' seem ter appreciate it. Yeh'd think they'd realize tha' I need me beauty res'.
4. Follow me rules.
Aye, they may be 'ard ter follow at times, bu' I'm sure yeh'll be able ter manage. 'ope I was able ter 'elp.
Aye, I do 'ave a middle name. Well, it be more like a series o' middle names. Me official name 'appens ter be Captain Jack King o' the Ocean an' Lover o' Rum, Thief o' Maiden's Hearts an' Terror o' the Briny Deep Sparrow. 'onestly.
Aye, I do admire artists. 'specially those tha' draw pictures o' me.
Aye, I believe 'ave time ter give you a quick lesson. There are three main steps tha' you mus' take in order ter speak like a true pirate o' the Caribbean… or anywhere, fer tha' matter.
1. Drink a bottle o' rum until yeh see the bottom
2. Fin' another bottle an' drink till yeh see the bottom o' that bottle
3. Fin' more bottles and keep drinkin' until yeh can't tell the bottom o' the bottle from the top o' the bottle
I 'ope this helps yeh, me dear.
This joke is funny-like:
So there's this Pirate with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the pirate who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then he gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran pirate blush. At that point, he is so mad that he throws it into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets _very_ quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's out-stretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on. By the way, what did the chicken do?"
These are all things from this "Ask Jack Sparrow" thing... it's very funny...
I 'aven' seen this Johnny Depp character, but I 'ave been hearin' an awful lot about the fellow lately. I'll hafta make a point o' trackin' 'im down an' tell 'im ter stop resemblin' me. And let me jus' say 'ow sorry I am tha' it's sobering ter you... very, truly, deeply sorry. I sugges' drinkin' some o' that rum yeh've got, it should make yeh feel better.
Aye, life wifout Captain Jack Sparrow aroun' be very 'ard. Therefore, I've provided yeh wif some steps ter follow so tha' yeh stay alive until I 'ave time ter visit yeh, love. 'ere be the rules.
1. Be sure ter breathe. [collapses on the floor laughing] Yeh can' really survive wifou' gettin' enough oxygin. Or normal gin. Though I fin' rum ter be much better tastin'. Ah, I be gettin' los'. Onto the nex' rule.
2. Eat an' drink. Yeh need food ter live, so trea' yerself to a good meal. There be no better feelin' than 'avin' a full stomach. Though if yeh be really smar', get someone else ter trea' yeh to a good meal. Then yeh stomach an' yer wallet will be full.
3. Get enough sleep. 'onestly, I 'ave foun' tha' sleepin' is one o' the bes' things. Though, take me advice, an' be sure no' ter fall asleep in the middle o' a date wif a lass (or in yer case a lad). They don' seem ter appreciate it. Yeh'd think they'd realize tha' I need me beauty res'.
4. Follow me rules.
Aye, they may be 'ard ter follow at times, bu' I'm sure yeh'll be able ter manage. 'ope I was able ter 'elp.
Aye, I do 'ave a middle name. Well, it be more like a series o' middle names. Me official name 'appens ter be Captain Jack King o' the Ocean an' Lover o' Rum, Thief o' Maiden's Hearts an' Terror o' the Briny Deep Sparrow. 'onestly.
Aye, I do admire artists. 'specially those tha' draw pictures o' me.
Aye, I believe 'ave time ter give you a quick lesson. There are three main steps tha' you mus' take in order ter speak like a true pirate o' the Caribbean… or anywhere, fer tha' matter.
1. Drink a bottle o' rum until yeh see the bottom
2. Fin' another bottle an' drink till yeh see the bottom o' that bottle
3. Fin' more bottles and keep drinkin' until yeh can't tell the bottom o' the bottle from the top o' the bottle
I 'ope this helps yeh, me dear.